The Ugly Child: Eight Tips for Transformation

A Precious Bundle of Talent, Intelligence, Creativity, and Possibility


By the time I arrived in this world, the spots of First Born Son and the Pretty Little Girl were already taken in my family. And my parents didn’t have the imagination to create another spot, such as talented, creative, artistic, athletic, intelligent… Instead, when I was just in diapers, my brother dared to speak the words I felt from the others around me.  “You’re ugly.” It didn’t help when my group of friends in middle school nicknamed me “Franky” for Frankenstein, and even as an adult, my mother said to me “well, your sister was the pretty little girl.”

It’s been a lifelong journey to change my mind about myself. It has driven me to seek beauty on many levels, especially within, and to continually nurture and appreciate that wounded inner child.  Now, even in middle age, I am satisfied with my life and looks. I’ve learned a lot and am still learning how to better appreciate who I am and where I am in life.  Here are some ideas and things to do that can help your child, have helped me, and can help you:

To Help an ‘Ugly’ Child

If you have or know an “ugly child”, my blogposts for and about children will help them gain self-esteem, empower them and help them choose their own future dream, one Magic Night at a time, especially The Best Bedtime Story and the Magic Nights Lullaby.

If you are a young adult or adult with a childhood as an ‘ugly’ child, or to help an ugly child as they grow, below are

Eight Tips to Feel Good About You!

1.  Remember that ugly is only a word.  

How you feel inside is more important:

  • Ugly is only a word.  It doesn’t have much to do with reality. Like yin and yang, There is ugliness in all beauty and beauty in all ugliness.
  • We are more than our bodies.  We are our intelligence, our ethics, our creativity, our purpose, our talent and our inborn essential divine perfection.
  • Ugly children don’t necessarily become ugly adults.  My parents were ‘surprised’ that when I grew up, I was perfectly fine looking = maybe not a stunner, but at least attractive.
  • Even’ugly’ or disabled people can be happy, productive, creative and make the world a better place in their own unique way.
  • Being ‘ugly’ in one persons eyes doesn’t prevent a lifetime of happiness and fulfillment.  As a wedding officiant, I married all kinds of people, rich and poor, plain and attractive, thin and overweight, young and old.  And they were all deeply in love.  The couples I felt had the brightest future together were the ones who began their married lives having been great friends for years, and already knew what “in sickness and health, in good times and bad” really meant.
  • During the stages of our lives; childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, middle age and old age, what is most important changes.  It may change from learning and experiencing, to productivity and purpose, to career and passion, and to wisdom.  During all of these stages beauty and ugliness takes on different meanings and different positions in our lives.

2.  Be Happy, Busy and Creative.

An interesting happy person is always more attractive.

3.  Pay more attention to how you feel than how you look.

Beauty or handsomeness must begin within.  Create more of this with a busy, happy and purposefull life.  Every night for at least a week to start, ask your inner wisdom and the universe to teach you how to feel attractive with this simple prayer in the Magic Nights style:


“Please teach me how it feels to be [beautiful/attractive/ handsome/brilliant/successful…] in every cell of my body, on every level and aspect of my being and in all time and space. For my highest and best good and for the good of all. With peace, freedom and joy. Thank you.”

4.  Get a great haircut.

No matter what kind of hair you have, a professional stylist can help you to make it suit your face and your style

Modeling Shoot at 23

5.  Learn how to do your hair and makeup from professionals.

Go to a salon for a makeup and style lesson, or if you can, take a modeling class.  No matter what you look like, this will help.  I couldn’t model because of my head shape and high forehead, but it was important to have that experience to find out that I was talented at runway and it motivated me to get my first modeling pictures taken.

6.  Dress to feel good and attractive and to ‘blend in’ with your crowd while giving your look your own unique style.

This doesn’t mean having to be a slave to the latest fashion, it means being creative and allowing yourself to find the clothing that works for you at the right price.  How you feel in your clothing will determine how attractive you are, not what labels are on your clothes. Like they say, “Are you wearing your clothes, or are they wearing you?”. When lived in California, there was a great Goodwill nearby.  I got most of my clothes there and got compliments all the time because of how I put the outfits together and how I carried myself when I wore them.

Fun Photo Shoot at 45

7.  Learn how to dance and move.

How you walk and move through life tells volumes about you as a person.  Use the treadmill in the gym to transform your walking style. Find a movie star you like the style of and imitate walking like them with good posture. My personal favorite is Nicole Kidman. She is tall, graceful and refined. Take jazz or ballroom dancing class, snowboarding or stylized martial arts like Kung Fu.  Avoid sports that create an aggressive, restricted, hunched or jarring movement style.such as boxing or karate.  If you are overweight, choose a fun sport you like that will be safe and effective to help you feel better in your body. Think more about being increasing your activity and health than about decreasing the weight.  My favorites are ballroom dancing and belly dancing.

8.  Do a Photo Shoot.

Put together a photo shoot for yourself that suits your personal style not just your physical attractiveness.  Play up your talents and positive energy and avoid a purely sexy glamour shoot as this only reinforces the dependence on looks alone.  Use a friend to take the pictures. If you can, have your hair and makeup done up professionally and use a few different types of fabulous and fun outfits and different locations.  With digital cameras, you can take the hundreds of shots (at least 300) that will result in a few really good ones you’ll treasure all your life.  Use different angles, lighting.  Shoot indoors and outdoors. Everyone has a ‘good side’ and in the right light can express their best points through the lens.  Do this periodically over your life (I did and it is great to go back and look at those pictures)  Practice in the mirror to find out your best smile and angle for photos. Get some prints made, frame them and put them up on your wall!

You are a perfect expression of the divine love that created you.  Your life is a work of art. Your joy is all the universe wants for you.  Have fun!

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Dr Katie Hawn






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Copyright © 2011 by Katie Hawn, DC
Publisher: The Divine Creatives Group, LLC
PO Box 315
Lambertville, NJ 08530 USA art by Armor Keller